Normalcy
by Chrikaru
Summary: Oneshot. Heero x Relena. Normal, mundane, ordinary - what is it when you've seen the world turned upside down? How does one move forward when the past refuses to remain behind you? Learning to be normal again is harder than it sounds.


Hello everyone! I know there are people out there who will be ready to scream because I'm not updating Job Interview but I wanted everyone to know that I have been writing a lot, but as a result of writing so much have not yet edited a lot of it to a level where I feel it is acceptable for this site. Today I dedicated a good portion of time solely for editing so hope you like the results!

**Author's note:**

I wrote this as part of an entire story many years ago and while I feel that the entire story needs to be completely rewritten before being published, this scene still resonates with me. I wanted to look at what life would be like if by some miracle the Gundam characters were able to live a normal life in the peace they created. However, the entire story fought with me every step of the way leading me to the conclusion that their lives would never be entirely normal even if it gained some facade of normalcy. I especially think that Relena and Heero would never be able to have a normal relationship with the various issues and pressures they each have. This story grew from wondering about how the understanding they have for each other during the series would translate to the real world. I don't see this as the definitive answer to what happened after the series finished (I'm exploring that concept in more depth in Aftermath) but rather as a "What if...?" What if they got the chance to leave their pasts and their responsibilities behind and live like ordinary young people?

**Background story:**

Relena has become tired of being ridiculed for having no formal qualification for her job and she is struggling under the public scrutiny and pressure to single-handedly hold the peace together, especially as all of the Gundam pilots have disappeared underground save for Quatre who is occupied with taking over his father's role in the colonies. She applies for university under an assumed name and runs away from the Sanq Kingdom. At this stage Zechs gets in touch with Heero to ask him about her whereabouts and Heero decides to seek her out. Relena has moved to an area near Duo and Hilde and persuades Quatre to pursue a degree as well, though it comes as a surprise when Trowa accompanies him. It seems that coincidence has gathered them but Relena begins to worry that there is another reason behind it when Wufei also appears. With all the players in one place it seems only a matter of time before their pasts will catch up with them.

Due to a series of difficult situations and compromises Relena finally agrees to rent the extra room in her apartment to Heero. His presence gives her confidence as he was her support during the war and he slowly adjusts to living as a civilian instead of a soldier.

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**Normalcy**

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Heero glanced across the room to where Relena sat, laughing by the bar. A glass rested forgotten in her hand as she hung on every word of the man sitting opposite her. Noticing her attention the guy leaned forward slightly, and she laughed again as he cracked a joke.

Heero felt a pang of jealousy. She laughed so easily with others. When she was with him she was almost always serious and though all he wanted was to make her smile and laugh, he could never quite find the words. As a soldier he'd caused nobody happiness, leaving tears and pain in his wake. But now he was a soldier no longer and he wanted to leave the pain of the war far, far behind.

Heero didn't realize he'd been staring until Duo elbowed him sharply in the ribs, breaking his reverie.

"Jealous, huh?"

Heero glanced back at the giggling pair seated opposite him and smiled gently. Yes, he was jealous, but not quite for the same reasons as Duo probably thought. He seemed to be convinced that Heero simply needed to be prodded into admitting undying love and they would live happily ever after, as if things could ever be that simple for any of them.

Relena spending time with another man didn't bother him. He wasn't so insecure that he started getting upset over her smiling or talking to somebody other than him. Even if she started dating someone...well, he couldn't pretend that he would be happy, but he wouldn't raise any objections. He had no right to.

It was simple, Relena was a social person; he was not. If they had only each other to rely on for conversation they would drive each other insane.

Secondly, he still couldn't make himself believe that he deserved the blessing of her love, or that she deserved the punishment of his. Of course, if she began spending a lot of time with one particular person he might have to start running background checks, but he wouldn't stand in her way.

Their relationship was more than friends but not that of lovers and Heero liked it that way. This way he could be close to her without having to struggle to fulfil all of the expectations she was sure to have of a boyfriend.

He was still re-learning how to be human and asking for anything more was asking for the impossible.

Heero glanced at his wrist; it was getting late and he didn't want to be driving any later than he had to in the wet weather. He wove among the dancers and groups of friends talking and tapped Relena gently on the shoulder as soon as a break in the conversation allowed him to interrupt. He didn't even have to speak for her to understand what he wanted. She turned, surprised to see him, but then checked her watch and immediately stood up.

"I'm sorry! I totally lost track of time!" she turned back to her companion. "Nice talking to you – see you around!"

They made their way outside to the black car Relena had rented for travelling when she was at university. It was much more Heero's style than the pink contraption she had owned before, and he had lost no time in telling her that. After all, if he was to be her driver, shouldn't he at least like the car he was driving?

He flung up an arm to shelter his eyes as they rounded the comer of the building and the wind drove rain into their faces. It was a cold, bitter night, and it would definitely be a nice time to be inside in the warmth. They slid quickly into the car, glad to be out of the freezing rain. Heero turned the ignition and switched the heaters on full-blast. Though the air coming out was cold at first, it soon began to warm with the engine.

Relena shivered, peering out the windows, but seeing nothing but rain and her own cold reflection. She knelt up on her seat and leaned into the back, grabbing the blankets she always kept there. That's the way it had always been when she was younger; there had always been a blanket in the back seat for when she was cold or sleepy. It had come in so useful so many times she had kept carrying them as a habit even though she considered herself long since an adult. She chucked one over Heero as he rummaged in the door compartment, hunting for something and pulled another around herself as she sat back down and pulled on her belt.

"It'll keep you warm" she answered to Heero's puzzled look. He nodded, and went back to his search.

Relena cuddled into the blanket, already beginning to warm up. She'd had fun tonight. It had been nice to get away from the campus and go somewhere different, nice to hang out with her friends without any expectations or worries.

Heero shoved a CD into the player and turned the car out of the parking lot. The rain seemed to have gotten even heavier.

As the music began to fill the silence, Relena returned to her thoughts. Ryan was a really nice guy; he'd made her laugh and she couldn't deny that he was good-looking too... She would definitely like to meet up with him again.

Guiltily she glanced at Heero, her train of thought suddenly changing direction. Had he enjoyed tonight? Had he even noticed she had been with another guy for the entire time? Being Heero of course he had noticed but did he care? Even understanding him now so much better than she had years before, Relena still couldn't figure out exactly what Heero felt for her.

Lots of girls gave him attention now, and though his answers were just as short and non-committal as they had ever been, Relena couldn't help feeling just a little bit jealous. She'd never seen any sign that he liked any one of the girls more than the others, but the way they acted around him left her in no doubt that they'd woken up to the fact that he was gorgeous and single. It irritated her how they took every excuse to touch him and always stood just that little bit too close – didn't they believe in personal space? Unfortunately the tall, dark and handsome model was popular with so many people that they were willing to overlook the fact that Heero only fulfilled two of the requirements...quite enough for far too many people in Relena's opinion.

But she was also sensible to the fact that their friendship gave her no right to be jealous, at least outwardly. Her private thoughts were her own business.

He too, had never shown any sign of jealousy even when she did spend time with other men, like tonight.

Sometimes, childishly, Relena wanted him to do just that; all of the Gundam pilots had seemed to understand that she was off-limits without anything being said. It had irked her then and it still did now; he had never said anything to claim her and although she would argue if he did try to do so, some part of her still wanted him to try. The other pilots seemed to understand his feelings better than she did at times, at least when it came to her. How could something that seemed so obvious to them be so unclear to her?

She glanced across at Heero, his eyes fixed on the road, hands strong on the wheel. Regardless of her frustrations, she was glad he was here with her, and she wouldn't wake up to find him gone with the night like a dream. He was there and he was reassuringly solid.

If only she didn't have to go back to the Sanq Kingdom ever again, they could live out a mundane little life together and they would both be happy with it, at least until there was another threat to peace.

That was all anyone who had lived through the war wanted; an ordinary, peaceful life.

"I should learn how to do this too, you know" She indicated the road ahead.

"To drive?" Heero raised his eyebrows slightly.

"Yes, of course. Don't you think I can do it?" Relena sat up out of her blanket. Something in his eyes had looked suspiciously like doubt.

He caught her affronted look and grinned.

His smile came easily now, at least around her, but it never failed to make her feel as if she had witnessed a miracle in the making.

He spoke "I'm sure you could do it…"

She waited, knowing there was a "but" coming

"…But when are you going to fit driving lessons in? You've already filled the other twenty-four hours of each day!"

"I'll think of something…like how about now?" She smiled pleadingly at him.

"No. Maybe another night, but not now. It's too dangerous in the dark and rain."

"So you'll teach me then? Thank you!"

She snuggled back down into her blanket.

"I didn't agree to anything!"

Relena peeked out from beneath the cover, putting on her best "damsel in distress" face. Heero grinned again.

She loved making him smile, no matter what it took, something to make up for all the years of his childhood that had been stolen from him. Somehow, Heero brought out the child in her; she would act like an idiot just to draw out that smile, one she had doubted she would ever see during the war.

Heero looked bemused, but a smile still lurked around the corners of his mouth.

"Okay okay. I'll give it a go"

Relena beamed at him once more before pulling the covers around her shoulders. Less than a few minutes had passed when her breathing slowed and deepened and Heero could tell she had fallen asleep. He passed the following miles to the sound of the wipers on the screen, the quiet music and the soft rhythm of her breath.

In their own little world, away from the things that threatened to tear away what little normalcy they had attained, Heero could finally relax knowing that Relena was safe beside him.

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"Relena" He touched her shoulder lightly

"Relena wake up. We're home. Wake up Relena"

She stirred and her eyes flickered. Another shake was enough to wake her properly, and though she still looked sleepy she sat up and began to get out of the car. Heero locked the car behind them and sprinted up the steps, fumbling in the cold for the keys for the apartment. The lock stuck at first, but eventually turned and they stumbled inside gratefully.

Without discussion they each went to separate tasks; Heero turned the kettle on to boil and then helped Relena close all the curtains. A few minutes after arriving they met up once more in the kitchen, after changing into pyjamas and made hot chocolate.

Heero was ready before Relena and he carefully dropped three marshmallows into each mug, watching closely for the other three he knew Relena would drop in as soon as she came out. It was almost a standing joke between them. Heero maintained three marshmallows was more than enough for anyone, while Relena argued you could never have enough marshmallows.

These little tenets of mundanity were precious to them both, because the threat of it all disappearing was constantly present. Following the established routine they split and went to bed.

Heero felt restless, he didn't feel like sleeping, but as always they both had to be up early for lectures the next morning. He noted that Relena didn't seem tired either, even though she'd fallen asleep in the car, but she went without protest.

He lay, staring blankly at the ceiling. He'd done this so many nights that Heero was sure he'd memorized every last crack and imperfection in the white plaster. It wasn't as interesting as his last ceiling, but the bed was a lot more comfortable and the conditions entirely more pleasant than before, so he didn't really mind. And this way he got to stay close to Relena, which, he had long ago admitted, was a definite bonus.

What exactly that bonus constituted was a question he had yet to find a satisfactory answer for.

There was a soft knock at his door, and it pushed open to reveal Relena. Heero propped himself up on his elbows as she perched on the edge of his bed.

"What's the matter?" She sighed, examining her toes, kicking in the sliver of light from the door.

"I can't sleep"

He shifted, becoming uncomfortable on his elbows. There was a pause before he admitted.

"Me neither"

" Want to watch a movie or something? I just borrowed a huge stack of them off Quatre. He told me he and his father used to watch them together, in the rare intervals between arguments. They're mainly classics, but there are some modern ones as well"

She paused after her outburst, slightly embarrassed; she may as well just scream her desperation from the tallest building in the city. A desperation to claw back the life she would have had if not for everything that had happened. She wanted to have seen all the movies everyone else had seen, to wear clothes off the rack like everyone else...to have the opportunity to learn how to apply make-up through trial and error, rather than avoiding it altogether in case someone saw the foreign minister looking less than perfect...she wanted all these things, things that would probably seem stupid to anyone else.

She could feel Heero's eyes on her reddened cheeks but he didn't comment, simply moving to stand up.

"Sounds good"

"Okay! Bring your duvet in!"

Relena had already disappeared down the hallway, taking the opportunity to regain her composure. When Heero followed, he found her seated in the middle of the living room sorting videos, with her quilt in a huge ball around her. What seemed like hours of deliberation followed, as they debated over a movie. When the decision had finally been taken, they both curled up on the sofa with their heads at either end and their feet in the middle.

"This is just how you do it at a sleepover" Relena laughed, "which means we have to follow the other sleepover tradition as well!"

Heero glared at her suspiciously and prompted "And that is…"

"A makeover of course!"

Heero didn't bother to hide his groan "You're not serious…are you?"

"But of course" she opened her eyes wide, playing innocent, but the sparkle of laughter spoiled the effect.

A smile twitched at the corners of his mouth.

"You come near me with anything that could give me a makeover and I will kill you!"

He stretched down for the remote control to start the video.

"You've said that so many times" her voice was soft, serious where a minute before it had been laughing, "Will you ever actually do it?"

Heero froze, and raised himself slowly to meet her eyes. He didn't want to meet her gaze in case she saw too much of what he tried to hide, but she deserved answers. If only he could give her the answer he wanted. But no, it was still too soon for him...and perhaps he would never be able to tell her what she wanted to hear.

"The war's over. I will not kill anymore"

He dropped his eyes, somehow ashamed of his reply. She nodded, though he didn't see it.

"If I had to die I'd like you to do it"

Heero's head snapped up abruptly; that got his attention.

"What?"

Now she was the one to drop her gaze.

"If I was in pain…if I was to die…I'd like it to be quick and easy. I don't want to feel any more pain. So if I'm dying, I want you to finish it"

She glanced quickly at him, looking for any signs of shock or disgust.

"You're the only one I'd trust to do it. Everyone else would try to hold on, no matter what had happened. You're the only one I'd trust to make sure I died with dignity. Please Heero, promise?"

She finally looked directly at him, and he held her gaze.

"You're not going to die"

She tore her eyes away, looking hurt

"Heero! Don't say it like everyone else"

"…But I promise. If it comes to it…I promise"

She smiled through unshed tears.

"That's all I need to know. Thank you"

The movie started, a romantic comedy, but somehow Heero just wasn't in the mood anymore.

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Thank you for reading and feedback is much appreciated.

**Author's note:** I abandoned this story because I came to the conclusion that Relena and the Gundam pilots being together in one place in any situation apart from as part of the Preventer's taskforce was unrealistic, especially the ever-popular university scenario...but I had to experiment because I wanted to see how the characters would react in this situation, especially with the political undertones of the situation in the Sanq Kingdom and the problem of the Gundam pilots' identities after the war. I also wanted to explore the idea of the characters readjusting to peace as I felt that Relena might have more issues than some of the pilots with putting the war behind her as they have been trained to fight and were psychologically prepared for the things they would see, while she was thrown in at the deep end.

Hope you enjoyed it and all comments are welcome!

Chrikaru


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